A Journey in Anxiety

Deck used is the Urban Tarot by Robin Scott

TW FOR MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. Please seek professional help if you are experiencing a medical emergency or are in crisis.

It’s no secret that I deal with mental health issues on a regular basis. I need to mention here that I am not formally diagnosed with these but I can see some of the triggers in me from research I’ve done in this area. I’ve been dealing with high functioning anxiety, suicidal ideation and depression for many years now. It became very apparent while I was in college and was the source of a lot of my issues in the past. I am so epically thankful that I have been able to see the symptoms of these conditions and have found a way through my tarot readings to help myself through the tough moments. I can assure you, most days are very good and I’m able to get through things without too much of a problem. Some days require more work and that’s okay. Having mental health issues is a fact of life I choose to make no secret of because if my story can help one person who deals with the same things I do, so much the better. Please know you’re never as alone as you think you are. I love you friendship. Stay safe and take care.

The Cards

from the Urban Tarot by Robin Scott

2 of disks: This represents the first step in the journey in seeing progress on your goals. You have a lot of juggling to do in making these progressions happen, but you are having fun and seeing the potential of all your decisions. There is a risk of becoming overwhelmed with things, but for now you’re in flow and you’re making things happen through your flexibility and ability to make the best decisions possible.

7 of disks: We face failure every day. This is no joke yet somehow, we are afraid of falling on our faces. What happens to our detriment is that sometimes, we go into a project thinking that failure is impossible. This thought process dooms us right from the start. Sometimes, failing over and over is the real thing we need to teach us the most important lessons (Thomas Edison and his lightbulb experiments are the example here. “I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.”

6 of swords: This card stands for truth and the triumph of intellect over ignorance. We are using our rational minds to create a better world for those around us. However, this has come with sacrifices aplenty and though there has been progress made, it has come with setting aside personal gains for the greater good of being objective. Sometimes, doing things that matter requires removing ourselves from the equation.

5 of cups: Here we see the pain of disappointment. There is grief, sadness, lots of hurt. However, there is an upside to this card, a truth to come to. We still have a few things left to work with. No your original situation didn’t work like you thought it would and things fell apart. But you still have something left of the original situation. It’s not everything, only some. But you can rebuild from what you have left. Be sad, acknowledge the pain you feel. Then, when you’re ready to, pull yourself up by your belt loops and get started.

Prince of swords: This character is driven by the power of information and the allure of finding the truth of a situation. They have the ability to get down the rabbit hole of investigation, no matter how deep it goes and no matter how long it takes. They aren’t even remotely concerned with obstacles that come up because they know how to get past them, for better or worse. The good thing about them is that they are creative and flexible problem solvers, the bad thing is that they usually don’t tend to play well with others and can come off as cold and a little mean-spirited.

Ace of cups: this card is the representation of the purest form of emotion. We see the start of a romance, a chance encounter with someone that leads into a potentially long term relationship. It’s not love at first sight per se, but the idea of potential happiness in the long term. This card embodies all that water is; the root that reflects and nourishes, the calm pool and the cool rain.

So how am I doing? So far, I’m good. I’ve had to learn how to balance my obligations and I’m still working things out here, but while I have to opportunity, I am in a good state of flow. I do need to acknowledge when things get overwhelming, but I am alright and I am happy with how things are going at the moment. There will be moments of pain and failure in my future and I need to know this as fact and not as myth. To say I won’t fail or that I won’t experience disappointments is callous and arrogant because it denies my humanity and it ignores the fact that I have flaws. Of course success feels amazing. But sometimes things JUST DON’T WORK. Having the emotional courage to feel the feels and pick up again after falling down shows growth and progress and I need to be proud of myself for having done that in the past. I am driven and I am passionate, but I need to be open to other ideas and other experiences because frankly, it’s the emotional connection I have with others that will see me through.

What does all of this have to do with experiencing my mental health issues? Well, it gives me a foundation on which to land if ever I feel sad and upset if things don’t work like I hope for. Being kind and open-hearted is going to be the ticket to seeing myself through the tough times when they happen. I know that I’ll be alright in the end and that there is help should and support should I be in need of it. As you’ll see in the beginning of this blog, I’ve included a trigger warning and other information if you’re reading this and are experiencing a mental health issue. I see you, I love you. What you’re feeling is real. Please know you’re never alone.