Self-Deprecation and Perfectionism

Decks used the Soul’s Journey by James Van Praagh

Okay friends, so here’s another personal little anecdote for you. Please know, I’m being raw here so if you do have any feedback for me on this front, please be kind. When I was a fair bit younger… like high school age, I developed this raging sense of perfectionism and anxiety around doing things correctly. I would beat myself up if I didn’t adhere to the rubric I was given, or if I didn’t pass every test I took with a high grade. This carried over into college and then when I was done, I turned on myself and started being mean about my body. As you can see, there was a lot of mental and spiritual abuse I put myself through. I think all of this is triggered by parental expectations, societal norms and a lack of understanding of how my brain, heart and soul work together, but I’ve been working on it for a long time now. While I’m better, I still have to work at interrupting the negative self-talk I put myself through sometimes.

Now where I’m going with this is that it seems to be a universal experience to put yourself through such emotional and spiritual pain. I know there is some advice to be had here, so I’m going to pull some cards and see where it goes.

cards pulled from the Souls Journey Oracle

Significators

Self-Esteem: I possess the gifts of the soul that benefit me and others

Humor: I choose to focus on the lighter side of life

Why are we seeing what we’re seeing

Purpose: I know what I am here to do

Failure: I understand that a mistake is only an opportunity to learn

Denial: I acknowledge my fear but I replace it with the insight of awareness

how can we best use the energy around us

Envy: I am the same as everybody but with different challenges

Love: I commit to the practice of seeing the good in all things

Loneliness: I know that I am never alone

So, what I’m seeing as being the main energy for this reading is that you’re being called to stop taking yourself so seriously and just BE. Be what Meg? (I definitely heard you ask.. lol) be happy, be joyful, focus on the lighter side of life and have some fun. The doom and gloom side of you has been out to play quite a bit and I can only imagine how not good that feels right now. It’s okay to acknowledge when things aren’t okay, but it’s also helpful if you can find some brevity and lightness in your space as well. You have gifts and deeply powerful magic that can help others when the time comes in for you to do so. The idea here is to stop abusing yourself over the small little things you can’t control so you can better help others.

The reason why we seem to be seeing this energy is that for some of this time, you’ve been afraid of failure and letting people down, if not yourself. You’ve been beating your soul black and blue over things you would just do if you were better at them. I think getting clear about your purpose and what you’re here to do is going to help you become aware of and insightful of the things you need to do.

I think the best way to use this energy is to know that you’re not alone and that everyone goes through periods of stress, anxiety and self-doubt. You’re never alone in that because it’s an emotion that’s universal. To interrupt the perception that you’re isolated in your feelings takes work, but seeing the good in yourself, in others and generally in ALL THINGS is going to be the key to allowing yourself to get out there and really help others that need it.