What Is On My Mind and Heart

Deck used is the Urban Tarot by Robin Scott

Well, it’s been that kind of day to be in my own head. Whenever I get like this, I tend to get a lot of feelings coming to the surface and when that happens, I need to get them all out or things get bottle necked too easily. I’m going to chalk this up to having Pisces in my triad as my moon sign… all that really means is that I tend to feel a lot of things I keep private, which is to my detriment. Today, I’m going to share a little bit of what happens to be on my mind, so here we go.

The Cards

from the Urban Tarot by Robin Scott

The High Priestess: Here, we see the feminine counterpart to The Mage. The character of this card is concerned with giving and understanding things the world is sending her way. Instead of creating their magic through force of will, the High Priestess is known for creating their magic through their intuition and diving deep into their unconscious minds. They are the ones encouraging us to go deeper, to come to the wisdom they have to share and to learn to trust in yourself.

10 of Wands: This card represents the idea of an idea becoming oppressive. We can see that the idea we had started in a pure sense and has now squeezed out all other spaces for expansion. There is no room for other ideas or opportunities for growth. In this, we are asked to step back and consider when we have gone too far whether we have accepted inhumane treatment in the name of something we believed in. It is worth the mentions that for an idea to truly work, we must be willing to hear other ideas and voices, because maybe they have things to add that will be of help later.

10 of Cups: Here, we see the happiness that started in the 9 of cups expand into the kind that reaches onward into eternity. We see how the ideas of love, home, family and the hope for generations to come have crystallized in reality and we can live in peace knowing that we are safe, whole and satiated for the time being.

Ace of Wands: Here we see the element of fire in its most pure form. It is about passion, will and idealism. This is the fuel that drives our spirit to stand up and shout for change, to make the differences we want to see in the world. While this energy needs time to develop, there is a lot of potential expressed here and it’s time we let it be what drives us forward.

10 of Swords: here we see the ruin of our bad choices come to pass on us. We have made these decisions whether out of true malice or because we saw no other avenue. Whatever the reason, it has hurt more than just us, we have not committed a victimless crime. But either way, endlessly analyzing our choices leads to a loss of hope and pain. The lesson here is that when he hit the lowest of our lows, we have nowhere to go but up again. We can rebuild, but it will take effort. We will be the wiser for trying again.

I think what this reading is telling me is that the power of one’s thoughts can be used in one of two ways. One, it can be used to help solve problems and create situations and places where everyone feels safe, validated, and seen. In this case, I’m seeing how my own thoughts can turn from what was supposed to make me happy, to being oppressive and ruinous. I’m seeing that there’s perhaps some things I do that make people feel they can’t come to me with their problems, especially when an idea I have isn’t all the way thought out or planned. Deep down, I know this is bad because going into a plan half-baked might not work so well and I know that others may have perspectives on the issue that I do not.

Another issue I see coming up in this is my tendency towards intrusive thought processes. This is a side effect of having anxiety as I tend to let my thoughts become like a broken record whenever my anxiety kicks in. It’s bad, I know. I’ve had to learn to accept the fact that sometimes thoughts like this happen to me. However, they can be difficult to deal with. The oppressiveness come from repeating what I’m thinking over and over, until I lose sleep and time being productive because I’m debilitated by my own brain. It’s moments like these that I turn to meditating and self-care because it’s when I need them most.